There is abundant archeological and recorded evidence that the ancient Romans used to drive and walk on the left side of the road. It comes from keeping your shield on your left and your sword arm quick to draw, in case of ambush.

Driving on the left is what made the Romans great, and probably caused the British to do likewise. All this right hand drive comes from the French Revolution and the Americans adopted it in thanks for assistance in the war of independence. Crazy stuff with no sense to it except revolutionary nonsense.

More practically for me, it is doing my head in. Forty five years ago Hector the Cat taught me how to cross the road safely, and it all hard wired me to expect cars to keep to the left. It’s not safe for pedestrians like me in Italy, and I get the general impression the road toll here is ten times as high as back home.

And perhaps an urban myth, but I heard tell that the bloke who used to wear the Hector the Cat costume got killed crossing the road….

This train is a Frecciaargento ETR485. It has a maximum speed of 280 kmh. It will take me most of the way to Paola.

Why don’t we have trains like this in Australia?

When I was a foolish 18 year old (as opposed to the foolish 50 year old who at least knows he is a fool), I said many silly things, one of which was something about how fantastic Fosters Lager is. (Yes, it was still commonly available in Melbourne in 1987.)

Now you can only get it overseas – it’s meant to be some sort of flagship Australian beer.

So… last night I went to the Rome Down Under Bar, somewhere over the Tiber and north of the Vatican, as I was curious to see what relics of glorious Australiana were on display.

Aside from the name of the bar, the Down Under has few traces of anything Aussie to it. There is a mural of Ayers Rock and the Olgas along most of the walk, with some roos and an aboriginal included. There is a small Fosters Lager sign.

And a large Fosters Lager poster of a woman in a bikini, with the slogan ‘Australian for beer. Australian for life saver’ on it.

[To be honest, even someone as politically incorrect as I am finds such posters rather inappropriate these days.]

But there is no Fosters Lager. Or any other Australian beverage on offer.

The TV screens were not showing AFL either. They were all playing some Italian soccer match.

And I was the closest thing to an Aussie in the whole bar. Everyone else was jabbering away in Italian, and I can tell by the accent that it was not the Australian accented Italian that I speak, but real motherland Italian.

The Italian word which comes to mind when I think of this Down Under Bar is ‘fintoneria’ – fakery. That might be an unintentionally ironic comment when I reflect that I am talking about an Australian themed bar in Europe….

Perhaps the owners of Fosters should demand this bar remove all the Fosters Lager branding in disgust. Oh – I forgot – the owners of Fosters and Carlton United Breweries these days happen to be Japanese.

My Italian is so-so. ‘Buffonata’ if you can see the links to the related English word, means something like a practical joke. And taking the bus down Via Della Buffalota to the Australian Bar on the corner of Via Canberra and Via Tasmania put me in mind of a good old fashioned buffonata.

You see, aside from the street names and the name of the bar, complete with the outline of a red kangaroo on the sign, there is nothing Australian about this bar. No Fosters lager, no cringeworthy Australiana. Nothing but some sort of suburban Roman cafe. No wonder this place is almost invisible on the internet….

I’m in transit right now, in Dubai. Never been here before and I had a window seat for a change (I outgrew window seats about 20 years ago). Sadly, some sort of haze means the skyline can barely be made out in the distance. I can only barely make out the silhouette of the Burj Khalifa. Hopefully I can get an eyeful of the sights on the flight to Rome.

The duty free stores here are monuments to material affluence and excess. I suppose it’s like that everywhere. But I suppose I don’t get around all that much….

Although Buller Wines has changed owners in the past decade and I have transferred my loyalty to Andrew Buller Wines, just saw this 2009 Cabernet Merlot blend in the local bottle shop for $32. Great value at that price and I will enjoy it with Thai food tonight.

This is the Duomo in Florence. Regrettably I have decided to skip visiting Florence on this trip.

I have said for a rather long time that most of my problems are first world problems. Until 35 and a half months ago, one of those problems was that my AFL team had not won a premiership since 1954.

That changed on 1 October 2016, when, after four wins in a row over a miracle period of three weeks, the Western Bulldogs pulled off one of the greatest fairytales in AFL history.

It has meant that I cannot really complain about my team’s history of limited success anymore. I am happy, and I am grateful for it. And so, on the weekend, when GWS went and soundly thumped the Western Bulldogs in an elimination final, ending our season and any hopes of repeating the fairytale, I did not mind so much. The sting is gone.

I do hope that the Western Bulldogs are able to enjoy some more success in years to come, and to play and defeat, and be defeated by, a number of teams in AFL grand finals. When some teams talk about their rivalries, such as Carlton-Collingwood, Carlton-Richmond, Carlton-Essendon,West Coast – Sydney, Hawthorn and just about every team who has ever played in the AFL, you think about classic grand finals over several appearances. With the Bulldogs, the rivalry which is suggested is St Kilda – solely because they don’t really win premierships either….

I would like to see the Bulldogs win a few more premierships. But I think I would like to see them win and lose a few grand finals against some of the top AFL teams – to create those sorts of rivalries and to give us a more classic place in the AFL, rather than that of a team who are usually there to make up the numbers during the winter.

I predict that it will be either Richmond or Collingwood who take home the premiership this year. But I am hoping that one or other of the three interstate teams get there. Australian rules started as a Victorian sport, and success by interstate teams will only serve to consolidate it as the national sport – especially at a time when the NRL is going to try and bone one or other of its NSW teams to create a second Brisbane team.

I’ve been going for many years to the Paperback Bookshop at the east end of Bourke Street. For at least the past three, an elderly down and out chap named Tony has been sitting just outside it most days, doing crosswords and with a hat out for any donations people might make.

Past few months, the Victoria Police have been hassling him – I suppose there are some laws against begging, although with the number of unfortunate people with signs asking for help, who are more unkempt or impolite than Tony, perhaps if the police are really serious about hassling beggars, this would explain why they do not enough time to tackle outer suburban teenage gangs, street assaults, and the obvious ice problem in North Richmond….

What I find sad and a bit appalling is that Tony had to front court on Thursday due to having been charged by the police over sitting harmlessly in Bourke Street with his hat out. Happily, the magistrate looked a little askance at whether this was an appropriate use of the court or the Victoria Police’s time, and fined him the nominal sum of $20.

Tony is a soft target, someone who, like jay walkers, might be slightly on the wrong side of some minor legal prohibition, but who is harmless. Why are the police picking on him? The centre of Melbourne is a place where a lot of other, much more serious and dangerous, crimes happen on a daily basis. At the very least, these over zealous constables should be pondering at their good fortune at being gainfully employed, rather than citing some elderly chap who has good spirits despite experiencing a whole lot more of life’s misfortunes. As medieval churchmen might say, Dei Gratia, there but the for Grace of God….