When I was a foolish 18 year old (as opposed to the foolish 50 year old who at least knows he is a fool), I said many silly things, one of which was something about how fantastic Fosters Lager is. (Yes, it was still commonly available in Melbourne in 1987.)

Now you can only get it overseas – it’s meant to be some sort of flagship Australian beer.

So… last night I went to the Rome Down Under Bar, somewhere over the Tiber and north of the Vatican, as I was curious to see what relics of glorious Australiana were on display.

Aside from the name of the bar, the Down Under has few traces of anything Aussie to it. There is a mural of Ayers Rock and the Olgas along most of the walk, with some roos and an aboriginal included. There is a small Fosters Lager sign.

And a large Fosters Lager poster of a woman in a bikini, with the slogan ‘Australian for beer. Australian for life saver’ on it.

[To be honest, even someone as politically incorrect as I am finds such posters rather inappropriate these days.]

But there is no Fosters Lager. Or any other Australian beverage on offer.

The TV screens were not showing AFL either. They were all playing some Italian soccer match.

And I was the closest thing to an Aussie in the whole bar. Everyone else was jabbering away in Italian, and I can tell by the accent that it was not the Australian accented Italian that I speak, but real motherland Italian.

The Italian word which comes to mind when I think of this Down Under Bar is ‘fintoneria’ – fakery. That might be an unintentionally ironic comment when I reflect that I am talking about an Australian themed bar in Europe….

Perhaps the owners of Fosters should demand this bar remove all the Fosters Lager branding in disgust. Oh – I forgot – the owners of Fosters and Carlton United Breweries these days happen to be Japanese.

My Italian is so-so. ‘Buffonata’ if you can see the links to the related English word, means something like a practical joke. And taking the bus down Via Della Buffalota to the Australian Bar on the corner of Via Canberra and Via Tasmania put me in mind of a good old fashioned buffonata.

You see, aside from the street names and the name of the bar, complete with the outline of a red kangaroo on the sign, there is nothing Australian about this bar. No Fosters lager, no cringeworthy Australiana. Nothing but some sort of suburban Roman cafe. No wonder this place is almost invisible on the internet….

I’m in transit right now, in Dubai. Never been here before and I had a window seat for a change (I outgrew window seats about 20 years ago). Sadly, some sort of haze means the skyline can barely be made out in the distance. I can only barely make out the silhouette of the Burj Khalifa. Hopefully I can get an eyeful of the sights on the flight to Rome.

The duty free stores here are monuments to material affluence and excess. I suppose it’s like that everywhere. But I suppose I don’t get around all that much….

Although Buller Wines has changed owners in the past decade and I have transferred my loyalty to Andrew Buller Wines, just saw this 2009 Cabernet Merlot blend in the local bottle shop for $32. Great value at that price and I will enjoy it with Thai food tonight.

This is the Duomo in Florence. Regrettably I have decided to skip visiting Florence on this trip.

I have said for a rather long time that most of my problems are first world problems. Until 35 and a half months ago, one of those problems was that my AFL team had not won a premiership since 1954.

That changed on 1 October 2016, when, after four wins in a row over a miracle period of three weeks, the Western Bulldogs pulled off one of the greatest fairytales in AFL history.

It has meant that I cannot really complain about my team’s history of limited success anymore. I am happy, and I am grateful for it. And so, on the weekend, when GWS went and soundly thumped the Western Bulldogs in an elimination final, ending our season and any hopes of repeating the fairytale, I did not mind so much. The sting is gone.

I do hope that the Western Bulldogs are able to enjoy some more success in years to come, and to play and defeat, and be defeated by, a number of teams in AFL grand finals. When some teams talk about their rivalries, such as Carlton-Collingwood, Carlton-Richmond, Carlton-Essendon,West Coast – Sydney, Hawthorn and just about every team who has ever played in the AFL, you think about classic grand finals over several appearances. With the Bulldogs, the rivalry which is suggested is St Kilda – solely because they don’t really win premierships either….

I would like to see the Bulldogs win a few more premierships. But I think I would like to see them win and lose a few grand finals against some of the top AFL teams – to create those sorts of rivalries and to give us a more classic place in the AFL, rather than that of a team who are usually there to make up the numbers during the winter.

I predict that it will be either Richmond or Collingwood who take home the premiership this year. But I am hoping that one or other of the three interstate teams get there. Australian rules started as a Victorian sport, and success by interstate teams will only serve to consolidate it as the national sport – especially at a time when the NRL is going to try and bone one or other of its NSW teams to create a second Brisbane team.

I’ve been going for many years to the Paperback Bookshop at the east end of Bourke Street. For at least the past three, an elderly down and out chap named Tony has been sitting just outside it most days, doing crosswords and with a hat out for any donations people might make.

Past few months, the Victoria Police have been hassling him – I suppose there are some laws against begging, although with the number of unfortunate people with signs asking for help, who are more unkempt or impolite than Tony, perhaps if the police are really serious about hassling beggars, this would explain why they do not enough time to tackle outer suburban teenage gangs, street assaults, and the obvious ice problem in North Richmond….

What I find sad and a bit appalling is that Tony had to front court on Thursday due to having been charged by the police over sitting harmlessly in Bourke Street with his hat out. Happily, the magistrate looked a little askance at whether this was an appropriate use of the court or the Victoria Police’s time, and fined him the nominal sum of $20.

Tony is a soft target, someone who, like jay walkers, might be slightly on the wrong side of some minor legal prohibition, but who is harmless. Why are the police picking on him? The centre of Melbourne is a place where a lot of other, much more serious and dangerous, crimes happen on a daily basis. At the very least, these over zealous constables should be pondering at their good fortune at being gainfully employed, rather than citing some elderly chap who has good spirits despite experiencing a whole lot more of life’s misfortunes. As medieval churchmen might say, Dei Gratia, there but the for Grace of God….

When I visited Italy three years ago, I was amazed. Aside from when I had first sighted Ayers Rock, I have never had a moment in Australia where something caused my heart to almost literally skip a beat. In Italy, seeing St Mark’s Basilica, the Arena of Verona, the Duomo in Florence, the Leaning Tower of Pisa, and so much of Rome, I had almost constant ‘wow’ moments where I saw something amazing – especially as there are few buildings 200 years old in Australia, let alone 2000 years old.

But it also clarified my thinking around a few concepts. In particular, those of ‘Elegance’, ‘Magnificence’, ‘Crassness’ and ‘Crudity’.

I would define them thus:

‘Elegance’ represents poor people and communities behaving well. Towns like Pisa and Treviso with all their beautiful buildings and general classiness.

‘Magnificence’ represents rich people and communities behaving well. For example, awesome cities like Venice and Florence.

‘Crassness’ is all about rich people and communities behaving poorly and vulgarly. I found something extremely crass about Rome. In particular, the Vittoriano (aka The Altar to the Fatherland), on top of the Capitoline Hill disgusted me.

And then there is ‘Crudity’ – when poor people and cities behave badly. Naples was a prime example of that to me, particularly with the litter and graffiti and rundown nature of the place, combined with the passive-agressiveness.

Yes, that is Vesuvius – reminding them that they do not need to do repairs or clean up, as the volcano might do all that for them and save them the effort.

And look at how damaged the old painting in this Neapolitan church is. They just don’t care.

I’m now three weeks out from my next trip, and wondering what I will see this time. I am going back to Rome, Messina and Treviso, but I will be seeing at least six cities I have not visited yet – Cosenza, Reggio, Salerno, Bologna, Turin and Milan. I wonder what I might make of those.

3 months ago, I did not really think the Western Bulldogs had much chance of playing in the AFL finals this year. But a dream run home in the second half of the season has got us ending in 7th place, just as we did in 2016, when we stormed through September to a fairytale premiership.

The stars might align again. We have played very well this year against the leading teams, and in 2016, I was in Italy for a month just before the finals. This time, I will be in Italy again, albeit from mid September onward for a month. If we do make the grand final, I will not be there to see it, but as I was there in 2016, I am happy to miss out on seeing it live again.

This is the sort of optimism which, three short years ago, was unthinkable in a Bulldogs supporter. Ghosts of Preliminary Finals Past meant that the idea of actually winning a grand final was too much to hope for.

But 2016 changed that. Any team in the finals is only 4 wins in a row away from premiership glory, in theory at least. But a team had never started from 7th place in the finals to actually win. Because we did it that one time, and are in fine form right now, all Bulldogs supporters (and the players too) will be thinking that it is possible to repeat that feat this year, that there is no ceiling to what our team can achieve in the next month!