I am not really a fan of association football, or soccer as I prefer to call it (I much prefer Australian Rules Football). On the rare occasions I have gone to an A League game, or to its predecessor competition, I have been more interested in watching the crowd, who are far more entertaining than the people on the field.
The current World Cup being hosted in the USA (and Canada and Mexico) is a case in point. I have not watched any games, and I do not regret this: Australia and Paraguay scoring a 0-0 draw would have been extremely boring. But the fans have been most entertaining, from what I have seen on Instagram.
Let’s start with Australia. Chanting ‘Aussie boys are on a bender, Donald Trump’s a sex offender’, and ‘Free health care’ whilst holding up their medicare cards is rather entertaining.
Then there is Norway. Everyone in Norway, from the fans in the stadia to kids in preschool to members of parliament, have been rowing like Vikings to cheer on the team. Really good national spirit.
The England fans traditionally are the best. They have lots of songs, which they are fond of belting out in pubs and stadia. Before this tournament, I was aware of ‘Three Lions’, ‘World in Motion’ and ‘Football’s coming home again’ (the latter, sung by Atomic Kitten, appears to have been retired as it specifically mentions Southgate, the erstwhile England coach).
I was particularly gratified by the regular appearance of ‘God Save The King’ being sung by England fans, being a dedicated Commonwealth Constitutional Monarchist.
But I was not aware that ‘Wonderwall’ or ‘Sweet Caroline’ were World Cup anthems for the England team.
And when the stadium erupts after the game is over into singing ‘Hey Jude’ in honour of one of the England goal scorers, it is particularly poignant and moving.
Nor was I aware of the existence of a song titled ‘Ten German Bombers’ (which is a bit like ‘Ten bottles of beer on the wall’ except that the ‘RAF from England shot one down’).
It is amazing what you can learn from Instagram.
I do wonder whether England fans have peaked too early, but I am mindful that pub anthems like those of Robbie Williams have not been sung yet, and that Oasis have a few other great songs (‘Champagne Supernova springs to mind) which have yet to appear. [Yes, I did pay attention when in those Russell Street pubs with the Lions fans last July before the Wallabies-Lions Rugby Test.]
But even though they have been eliminated and are presumably en route home, the best fans of the tournament so far are the Scots, who have been chanting ‘No Scotland No Party’ over and over, whilst putting traffic cones on statues all over Boston and Miami. Everyone in those cities is imploring them to return next year for a reunion.
What I have seen on Instagram has even got me thinking half seriously, despite my disdain for soccer, of travelling to Spain in 2030 for the next World Cup. Not to actually watch games in the stadia (tickets apparently cost a huge amount), but to hang out in the bars and taverns with the fans, singing along.
It would have to be an amazing atmosphere. Italian and Spanish are almost mutually intelligible, and I have a friend who has travelled many times to Spain as a tourist who might want to come along.
At that time, it will be very affordable. I will be 61, the tax treatment on my superannuation pension will change in a favourable way, and my other superannuation will have vested into another pension.
Also, when looking at the 2030 hosts, I did look at who is hosting in 2034: Saudi Arabia.
Let’s leave aside the usual complaints about Saudi Arabia, namely: the human rights abuses, the dismemberment of regime critics in embassies with bone saws (OK it only happened once), the harsh conditions for immigrant workers employed on construction on the stadia (note that as a Latin scholar I use the Latin plural rather than the more uncouth ‘stadiums’), the situation for women, and the lack of tolerance for other religions. Let’s also disregard the perennial complaint about sports washing and the rather dubious circumstances under which Saudi Arabia were handed the rights to host this tournament.
Let’s focus on the more important question about Saudi Arabia 2034: can they hold a party?
Firstly, the Saudi authorities have stated that alcohol will not be served during the tournament, including in hotels where spectators will be staying. That will dampen a lot of the celebrations.
Secondly, I fear that the chants and singing which are popular amongst many of the most fun loving fans will not be permitted. This is because I am more familiar with Sunni Sharia law than most people.
In Saudi Arabia, the Sharia law school of jurisprudence followed is called Hanbali, which only considers the Quran and the Hadith (ie sayings of the Prophet) as sources for interpretation of Sharia law. This is quite austere on its own, and much more restrictive than the other three schools of Sunni Sharia jurisprudence.
However, what Saudis follow is even more austere, being what is correctly known as Salafism (following the true path) and more commonly (not popularly as this is very unpopular stuff) called Wahabbism.
This is an interpretation of Sharia law which does not permit music, particularly not when accompanied by consumption of alcohol and fornication and whatever other activities make for having a party during a World Cup tournament.
There are many reasons why holding the World Cup in Saudi Arabia will not be a good idea, but that the fans will be in danger of being arrested and imprisoned for simply trying to have a good time is antithetical to the basic idea of holding a sports tournament.
Lost For Words! 