It is going to be a while before I run out of the business cards I ordered in late 2024. I did, after all, order 500 at that time.
But when I do, I need to work out what sort of outrageous claims I can make on the card, beyond calling myself by the post nominal ‘Esq’ and describing myself as a ‘Gentleman of Leisure’, which looks rather boring in comparison to some of the others I have seen.
Let’s look at the business card I was given at the Savage Club in late 2024 by one interesting character.
That chap calls himself ‘Man of Action’ and then lists the following services:
. Lions Tamed
. Insurrections Put Down
. Mountains Climbed
. Virgins Cured
. Opinions Given
. Channels Swum
. Wars Fought
. Lawyers Intimidated
. God Disproven
. Casseroles Cooked.
You would think this was pretty original. However, when I was at my Bottle Club at Jimmy Watson’s Wine Bar on Thursday, another chap handed me his newly printed business card which described him as a ‘Gentleman and Flaneur’. [In case you are wondering, a ‘flaneur’ is someone who ‘saunters around observing society’.]
The flip side of this chap’s card offers the following services:
. Revolutions started & uprisings quelled
. Tamer of tigers and wayward moustaches
. Souls saved & sceptics convinced
. International adventurer & sometimes casual hero, bounder and a cad
. The difficult done immediately.
. The impossible takes longer.
. Miracles by appointment.
. No obligations, no worries.
You can see some similarities and opposites between what is included in these two totally separate business cards, such as the taming of lions or tigers, putting down insurrections as opposed to revolutions started and uprisings quelled, God disproven compared to Souls saved and sceptics convinced….
The chap who handed me his card on Thursday said that he was thinking of including ‘Virgins cured’ on the card, except that he wants to remain married.
Which leads me to conclude that there is some printer of business cards somewhere in Melbourne who is catering to the whims of the more eccentric members of our Gentlemen’s Clubs, and producing some standard text options for amusing inclusion on cards.
It all does make my simple card look rather boring indeed.
Lost For Words! 